8 Quick Reasons Why It Is Better To Be A Man Than A Woman

Apparently there is an age old debate on whether its better to be a man or a woman.

I am here to put an end to that.

Where did this argument come from? It is so obviously better to be a man!! If you are a female, you might want to not read this, because you will realize how much God hates you, then possibly try to kill yourself.

So here we go!

#8 - We Die First

Don't be crazy and think women have the advantage here because they live longer. No, a PESSIMEST would think they live longer. An Optimist, like me, would say that we Die Earlier! It's true.
Have you ever seen a 90 year old woman? Have you ever seen them smile? I think not.
Have you ever seen a 90 year old man smile? No, cuz he died 20 years ago!
God loves the male species, so he takes them to hang out in Heaven when they are ready. He leave women there for an extra couple years probably just to laugh at them. What a jerk. (He's totally a dude, though!)




#7 - We Are Stronger

Fact.
Okay, yea, sometimes there are strong women. Of course there is overlap, that is natural. The weakest man couldn't take out the strongest lady, it just wouldn't happen. But the strong women will never be as strong as the strong men. FACT.
Also, really strong women are often seen as kind of gross and manly anyway. We win!!!



#6 - The Pregnancy Thing

I give you my seed then laugh at you for 9 months while you go through pain, suffering, sickness, get fat, feel ugly, and become an emotional wreck. Then you experience TORTUROUS, LONG and EXCRUCIATINGLY PAINFUL LABOR.
Then the baby comes out and doesn't say thank you... doesn't love you more because of what you went through. In fact, most first words for a child is "Dada". FACT! The point is, the fact that you have to go through all that is shit, but whatever, I'm not complaining cause I'm glad it doesn't happen to me. You might argue "oh, it's amazing, you're missing out, it's wonderful". Sounds like someone is in denial. You know what's really amazing? Not having a baby growing inside of you for 9 months.

#5 - Make Up

Make up is annoying. I have had brief experience wearing it, like Halloween and such. It is a pain in the ass to put on and take off, and ironically seems to clog your pores and give you more skin problems so that you'll end up needing to wear even more of it later.
Why do you wear it then? Because if you don't, no one thinks you are pretty.
Sad but true.
Men are naturally beautiful, so we don't need make-up. It's good to be a man.



#4 - Sexual Versatility

Female orgasm is great, I'm sure, but the versatility the male anatomy gives us is incredible. Sure, you've got a few holes to deal with, but really it all boils down to more places to stick it.
Men have penises. Men also have a hole if they choose to use it. This immediately gives us many options ladies do not have.
This is especially useful for our friends the homosexuals. The lesbians get the shortest end of the sticks however, since having just two holes and a few tongues gives them about as much flexibility as quadriplegic gymnast.
Moving on.

#3 - More Respect, More Money

Fact.

#2 - The period.

A woman's monthly menstrual cycle is disgusting. Period. End of discussion.
The fact you have to go through this once a year is cringe worthy, but once a month? My God.
As Mr. Garrison from South Park once smartly stated: "I'm sorry, but I just don't trust anything that bleeds for seven days and doesn't die".
Throw PMS into the equation and what you have is a completely unenjoyable situation that stays with you most of your life.
Seems someone really has it in for you. His name is God.

AND THE NUMBER 1 REASON IT IS BETTER TO BE A MAN THAN A WOMAN

#1 - We pee standing up.



You don't realize how great this is. I gotta pee, I whip it out and I pee. It exemplifies all the best qualities of being a man in one! I want something, I get what I want, done. No arguments, no complications, no craziness. There's a hole in my boxers for ease (if I even decide to wear boxers) so the process takes maybe a few moments.
When in an uncomfortable public situation, such as a plane, bus, portapotty, etc., we can whip it out, pee blindly (all over the toilet seat if we want) and laugh all the way to the bank.
The ladies: They need to not only go through the entire process of creating a clear space where urine can freely leave you without getting all over your or your clothes, but you also need to either squat, clean, or get some horrible toilet disease. It's unfortunate, but it's the way it is.


Those are quick explanations for the 8 reasons, though of course I could go on longer. The fact is, it sucks to be a woman compared to a man. Really. And I'm not mocking you, I honestly feel bad you got stuck with all the shitty parts and maintenance. If God was a fair God, who would have had some trade-offs. Maybe keep you as frail and weaker, but require US to bleed from our orifices once a month. Or whatever, you keep the pregnancy thing but now we have to wear make-up and pee standing down.

But the fact is, it's not the way it is.

GIRL POWER