This Post is Dedicated To Joshua Campbell Payne

First off, this is Josh and me. I have altered this photo for anonymity's sake (itz the internetz!!)

Yes, I know, we are adorable.

Now this post has two main functions. Number one, it is so that when folks inevitably search for Josh, they will come across my blog!

Joshua Payne. Joshua Campbell Payne. Josh Payne. Josh Campbell Payne. JC Payne. Mr. Ouch. Josh C Payne. Joshua C Payne. Josh Payne, M.D. Mr. Joshua C. Payne Jr. M.D. Jocampa. Malisonxpert. JoshyPoo317. Mrs. Tom Selleck. JCP in the hizzii. Joshua Payne. Joshua Campbell Payne. Josh Payne. Josh Campbell Payne. JC Payne. Mr. Ouch. Josh C Payne. Joshua C Payne. Josh Payne, M.D. Mr. Joshua C. Payne Jr. M.D. Jocampa. Malisonxpert. JoshyPoo317. Mrs. Tom Selleck. JCP in the hizzii.Joshua Payne. Joshua Campbell Payne. Josh Payne. Josh Campbell Payne. JC Payne. Mr. Ouch. Josh C Payne. Joshua C Payne. Josh Payne, M.D. Mr. Joshua C. Payne Jr. M.D. Jocampa. Malisonxpert. JoshyPoo317. Mrs. Tom Selleck. JCP in the hizzii.Joshua Payne. Joshua Campbell Payne. Josh Payne. Josh Campbell Payne. JC Payne. Mr. Ouch. Josh C Payne. Joshua C Payne. Josh Payne, M.D. Mr. Joshua C. Payne Jr. M.D. Jocampa. Malisonxpert. JoshyPoo317. Mrs. Tom Selleck. JCP in the hizzii.Joshua Payne. Joshua Campbell Payne. Josh Payne. Josh Campbell Payne. JC Payne. Mr. Ouch. Josh C Payne. Joshua C Payne. Josh Payne, M.D. Mr. Joshua C. Payne Jr. M.D. Jocampa. Malisonxpert. JoshyPoo317. Mrs. Tom Selleck. JCP in the hizzii.Joshua Payne. Joshua Campbell Payne. Josh Payne. Josh Campbell Payne. JC Payne. Mr. Ouch. Josh C Payne. Joshua C Payne. Josh Payne, M.D. Mr. Joshua C. Payne Jr. M.D. Jocampa. Malisonxpert. JoshyPoo317. Mrs. Tom Selleck. JCP in the hizzii.Joshua Payne. Joshua Campbell Payne. Josh Payne. Josh Campbell Payne. JC Payne. Mr. Ouch. Josh C Payne. Joshua C Payne. Josh Payne, M.D. Mr. Joshua C. Payne Jr. M.D. Jocampa. Malisonxpert. JoshyPoo317. Mrs. Tom Selleck. JCP in the hizzii.Joshua Payne. Joshua Campbell Payne. Josh Payne. Josh Campbell Payne. JC Payne. Mr. Ouch. Josh C Payne. Joshua C Payne. Josh Payne, M.D. Mr. Joshua C. Payne Jr. M.D. Jocampa. Malisonxpert. JoshyPoo317. Mrs. Tom Selleck. JCP in the hizzii.Joshua Payne. Joshua Campbell Payne. Josh Payne. Josh Campbell Payne. JC Payne. Mr. Ouch. Josh C Payne. Joshua C Payne. Josh Payne, M.D. Mr. Joshua C. Payne Jr. M.D. Jocampa. Malisonxpert. JoshyPoo317. Mrs. Tom Selleck. JCP in the hizzii.Joshua Payne. Joshua Campbell Payne. Josh Payne. Josh Campbell Payne. JC Payne. Mr. Ouch. Josh C Payne. Joshua C Payne. Josh Payne, M.D. Mr. Joshua C. Payne Jr. M.D. Jocampa. Malisonxpert. JoshyPoo317. Mrs. Tom Selleck.

Ok, that should take care of that.

The second post is to praise him, not only only because he made me the banner you see at the top of the page, but also because he is paying me to do so.

So anyway, here are 5 Fabulous Things
You May Not Know About Josh.

1) Josh invented Sales. The story is actually quite funny (and he tells it best) but it all came about when he was in a Crate & Barrel and he was attempting to buy some overpriced knick-knacks and home decor. He refused to pay the listed price, and began arguing with a sales clerk. Now, fabulous thing 1.5 might as well be that whenever Josh is angry he suddenly reverts to a stereotypical hick accent. So he is yelling at the guy, and says "I cannot BELIEVE you would try to Say-il (trying to say sell) this shit at this price!" The sales clerk, an avid Sailor, thought he was making reference to a Sailboat made completely out of the shit. The thought tickled the employee so that he ended up selling the knick-knack for 10% off. And things were never the same again.

2) Josh's IQ is in the 400's. Technically. Unfortunately, after 200 it just reverts back to zero, since we cannot record IQ that High. So he is sort of in his 0's... oh well, most believe that people so smart are so far above us that you might as well be talking to a retard since no one knows what the hell they are saying...

3) His blog, bowlofgranola.blogspot.com, was rated by the Bloggers United Life Learning Committee of Really Awesome Pages as the Top Blog in 2008 in the categories of Entertainment, Politics and Misc. Junk. It also won secondary prizes for Excellent Use of Non-Existant Prizes to Artificially Create Comments and the coveted Quality not Quantity Award for its excellent ensemble of reoccuring visitors. (Subsequently, his blog, thingsiinvented.blogspot.com was runner up for the not-so-coveted Failed Potential award, coming in second to my own blog http://glasshalffullreviews.blogspot.com/)

4) The special skills section of his resume is over 700 pages long. Oddly enough, Team Player is no where on the list... but Concise Braggery is on their twice!

5) Josh is at the top of the food chain. Trust me. I've tried to eat him. While he was sleeping. Passed out drunk. I still failed. So has everyone else I know. It's just not possible. I dare you to try. You will also fail.


Goodnight, goons.

If It's On The Internet

Hey ya'll. This is my new segment, entitled, "If It's On the Internet!"

This is based on the theory that if it is on the internet, it must be true. Since there are many things I would like to be true in this world, and I am too lazy to edit Wikipedia, I will use this medium to do so.

Now..

CONFIRMED: CHICAGO IS A CITY OF HUMANOID CYLONS

Reports have surfaced today proving once and for all what many have known for ages. Chicago is actually populated 98% by Cylons. While still unconfirmed, people are now wondering if our new 44th President, Barack Hussein Obama, who was a senator from Illinois and had residency in Chicago, is among the humanoid Cylon models now being referred to as simply 44.

This would not be the first time a known public figure has been discovered to be a Cylon. The most recent case, of course, the Olson "Twins", who were discovered to be Cylons after Mary Kate OD'd on heroine, then apparently downloaded into a newer, more innocent and religious body. Sadly, Heath Ledger did not download, leading people to assume he was either not a Cylon, or one of the Hollywood Five. When asked if they were Cylons, both twins chirped out an excited "You got it dude!"


IF IT'S ON THE INTERNET, IT MUST BE TRUE!!

You Know, I would Update this Blog A Lot More

If I had a pretty banner. It would make me feel legit.

Hint Hint.

I wanna be creative

I want to be creative, and present you all with something of interest.

But alas, all that my mind can muster...




Teacups.

Top Ten Things Better Than Porn

An open letter to CJR

UPDATE: Cheif Justice Roberts UNFUCKED up and regave the oath CORRECTLY this time to our poor, dear President Obama. YAY

Dear Chief Justice Roberts:

You fucked up.

Your stupid stupidity stupidly led to an stupid recitation of the oath of office by God Hussein Obama. Because of this, I don't even know if I can consider Obama my President! Sure, the oath is meaningless, and according to the Constitution Obama became President at noon, a whole five minutes before he even recited the oath, but still. It's important to me. And since Bush isn't president, I am essentially presidentless.

Just because you are conservative, and Obama loves abortions doesn't give you the right to mess him up. He doesn't make mistakes. HE IS OBAMA.

Or is it because he is black? I didn't want to go there, but clearly you were distracted by his skin color or something when you attempted to swear him in.

Way to be, Chief Justice, way to be.


And what was up with the end. "So help you God?!???" Stick it up your ass, Roberts.

Love,
Derrick

What if....

This week's WHAT IF Question is..

What if John McCain was black??

Sit on that for awhile...